tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58456649468402235762024-03-05T11:31:52.084-08:00The Centered SelfUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845664946840223576.post-13059339071504367842020-09-30T17:20:00.000-07:002020-09-30T17:20:19.662-07:00Somatic Experiencing and OvereatingI want to share just a few thoughts about how Somatic Experiencing may (or may not) relate to patterns of overeating. <div><br /></div><div>I'm not an expert in diet, nor am I well-versed in the bounty of research that's been done on overeating, appetite, etc. So, please take everything I say with a grain of salt. </div><div><br /></div><div>But sometimes people ask me if Somatic work can help with overeating. And here's my answer:</div><div><br /></div><div>Do you like to eat? If your first reaction is, "Of course I do, silly, I'm asking you about overeating," then, I see your point. Of course there are things you like about eating. But let me be more specific. When you eat, do you sit down, and pay attention to your food? Do you take time to enjoy the flavor, to feel the texture and 'crunch' of your food? Do you enjoy the satisfaction of swallowing and feeling the food land in your belly?</div><div>Was that as easy of a yes, or did you find yourself feeling a little bored/uncomfortable with some of those images?</div><div><br /></div><div>A lot of people mix their eating with other activities- they eat on the go, or as they watch TV, or as they socialize. All of these are fine things. What raises my curiosity, however, is the question: How does it feel to imagine eating without distractions, where it's just you and the food?</div><div><br /></div><div>If there's some stress there, some anxiety, some feelings of "no thank you, I'm not sure why, but that does not sound good to me at all, no sir," then that is where I imagine Somatic Experiencing could help.</div><div><br /></div><div>Somatic Experiencing doesn't tell you what to eat, when to eat, how to eat, or how much to eat, but it can help separate the act of eating from the stress or anxiety which may currently be associated with it. It can help lower the stress or anxiety which may precipitate a round of compulsive eating.</div><div><br /></div><div>And in finding a greater sense of safety in relationship to your body sensation, you may find yourself enjoying the act of eating-- and finishing eating-- even more.</div><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845664946840223576.post-33604522843575147592020-07-01T21:20:00.002-07:002020-07-01T21:20:59.508-07:00Using will power to change our behavior, or teaching our bodies so will isn't necessary.You know how it's really hard to notice certain cultural norms until someone points them out to you? For instance, some expression you use until someone explains why it's rude, and then suddenly you notice how common that expression is, even as you do your best not to use it anymore.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I feel kind of like that about the concept of top-down healing, which I'll explain in a moment. "Top-down" healing is a norm in how we think about personal growth that's so built-in to our way of thinking that we may not even think there could be anything else.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'll explain.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A top-down approach to change is one where you look at the problem or goal, decide how you'd like to behave in order to get to where you want to be, and then you implement that plan. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As an example, a top-down approach to managing anxiety might be to take 10 deep breaths every time you feel anxious. Your body is having an anxiety response, but your mind steps in, takes charge, and works to redirect that anxious energy.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Think about any problem you might have, in particular with emotions, communication, or how you react to life. I bet as you think about how you'd like to solve it, you're almost always thinking about how you'd like to behave differently, and coming up with strategies to make sure you behave that way.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That's top-down, and it's great! There are a lot of top-down strategies that work really well, and are invaluable to know how to use.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Buuuuut.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's not the only way, and I think it's useful to know when we have other options. In this case, there's another approach. Let's call it the bottom-up approach.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What's a bottom-up approach? Essentially, rather than using the mind to try and affect your body and behavior, you start with an awareness of the body with the intention to support the mind.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A bottom-up approach can take more work up front, but can save you a lot of effort and will power down the line. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Going back to the anxiety example: Suppose you know that every couple weeks you find yourself feeling anxious. Your heart starts pounding, your body releases cortisol, and your fight-or-flight system starts kicking in.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You have the top-down tricks up your sleeve should you start getting anxious, but that whole process isn't very fun. What it you want to reduce the frequency with which you get anxious in the first place? Or reduce the intensity?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A bottom-up approach could look like this: On a day when you're not feeling particularly stressed, you might take some time to notice what feels good in your body. Where are you feeling settled? What feels comfortable, enjoyable, or at ease?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This might be difficult at first, but over days or weeks of practice, taking a couple minutes here and there, you may start finding it easier and easier to find those pleasant, safe sensations.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
By tracking with your pleasant body experience, you're actually creating new brain pathways, indicating to your brain that pleasant, safe experiences are actually important and worth paying attention.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now, because you've built this foundation of enjoyable awareness, your body has a new resource next time it's feeling anxious. Perhaps it will still get anxious, but maybe now it has an easier pathway out of anxiety. Or maybe you'll notice the anxiety, but your connection to the pleasurable sensations can temper the intensity of the discomfort just a little bit. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This is just one example of what a bottom-up process could look like. And it's not always intuitive in our culture.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
However, if you can start asking the question: "How could I support my body in being able to handle this problem, without needing a direct intervention from my mind?" then you may slowly start collecting strategies that can make you more and more resilient and adaptable, and over time perhaps you'll find yourself referring to that list of top-down tools less and less.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845664946840223576.post-55620232227201511382020-04-01T19:16:00.002-07:002020-04-02T13:12:21.462-07:00How to be there for each other during the time of Covid-19.<div>
Just to name up front: I don't have any easy answers for this. This is a hard time for a lot of people, and it's affecting everyone differently. Not to mention, everyone is so different; I can't magically predict what's going to help one person.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That being said, there are certain patterns in mammals, and certain things that tend to be helpful, and I'd like to name them here so that you can keep them in mind when you're trying to be there for a loved one. Perhaps, knowing them as you do, you'll be able to find a personalized way to apply what I share here.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So, without further ado, <i><b>how can we be there for each other during the time of Covid-19?</b></i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A trauma-therapist colleague of mine recently said something that felt spot on: There are three conditions which, when all are present, greatly increase the likelihood of the person later feeling traumatic symptoms.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
1. Immobility.</div>
<div>
2. Overwhelm.</div>
<div>
and </div>
<div>
3. Aloneness/disconnection. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If someone feels trapped, if the intensity of the situation is beyond what they are comfortable coping with, and if they don't have a trusted someone there to help them out, this can be really hard on their nervous system. We want to help our loved ones avoid being in this position.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
How can we help prevent these traumatic effects in others? Let's go one at a time.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>1. Immobility</b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This could be literal or figurative immobility. I.e. If someone has a broken leg or the exit to a room they're in is blocked, then the nervous system may feel the sense of "I can't move". However, on a less literal level, when you're at work all day and you fear getting in trouble if you leave, that also counts as immobility. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And if you're making yourself stay at home to reduce risk of spreading a virus, well, you better believe that can feel like immobility. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Imagine then that your friend or partner is feeling super cooped up and trapped. They are pacing, they are complaining about how there's nowhere to go, they seem like they are trying to hold in a powder keg of energy. What do you do?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The short answer is anything that can help their nervous system be aware of the options. They don't have to have absolute freedom in order to feel more free. Different things will work for different people. Some examples:</div>
<div>
-Go for a walk, preferably somewhere new (novelty tells the body things aren't stuck/trapped)</div>
<div>
-Look to the horizon. The body often feels more threatened if it can't see any distance...if you have a window with a view where you can see into the distance, take some time to relax into that...it can communicate safety and freedom to the body.</div>
<div>
-Using visualization: Even if you're choosing not to go outside at all, reminding yourself that it's technically possible to, and imagining going wherever you'd most like to go may help the body settle it's immobility response a bit.</div>
<div>
-Exercise, whatever makes you feel good and strong.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You get the idea- it's not just cognitive stuff, it's actually feeling the sense of <i>possibility</i> in your body. We don't necessarily feel trapped in our room when we sleep at night, because we know we could get up and leave. If we did feel trapped, it would be easy enough to go test the door, make sure it's unlocked, and then leave it open a crack while we sleep.</div>
<div>
We want to offer that same, visceral reassurance to ourselves or our loved ones when we're feeling stuck.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>2. Overwhelm</b></div>
<div>
Overwhelm is "too much too fast". It's when there's more going on (internally or externally) than you can handle. Classic example here is watching the news. If you watch one scary story on the news and then turn it off, you may sigh and say "Wow, that's really scary. I'm going to go do XYZ to make sure that doesn't happen to me." </div>
<div>
On the other hand, if you watch 10 different scary stories on the news without taking that moment to pause and integrate and feel your fear, you may eventually turn it off and just feel frozen and numb. It was too much to process- your nervous system got overwhelmed.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
How can we help each other with overwhelm? Well, if we nip it in the bud, great! If we can get someone out of the house before they get completely stir-crazy, or if we can invite a break from watching news before they get totally swamped in it, then great.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But suppose they are already overwhelmed? They are either frozen, staring blankly at the wall, or maybe going on a tirade about how bad everything is, listing everything wrong in the world. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This is where your skills in empathy are most needed:</div>
<div>
-Can you name the emotion they are feeling, or get them to name the emotion? Naming an emotion seems to be one of the fastest ways to shift the feeling from the panic parts of the brain into the more safe-feeling cognitive parts of the brain.</div>
<div>
-Can you offer them the chance to be in the moment rather than in trauma-brain? For example, simply cooking together while listening to some engaging music; or playing catch; or bird-watching can all be great ways to shift out of overwhelm and into the present moment. </div>
<div>
-Getting moving and looking around is also a fast way to settle our bodies.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>3. Alone-ness.</b></div>
<div>
We are social beings. We can derive a great deal of comfort from looking around us and knowing that, should things go bad, there are people who will step up and take care of things. That may mean cooking us meals when we are sick, or handling money issues, or simply keeping us company when we are upset.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If your loved ones are feeling isolated, either because they live alone, or because they aren't currently on good terms with the people they live with, offering them company, companionship, conversation can be huge. Nothing fancy required.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Letting them know what you'll do if things go bad can also count for a lot: Are you able to cook for them if they get sick? Will you be available to drive them to the doctor? Think about what kinds of support you feel confident you can offer, and, if your relationship allows for it, let them know.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If it's your partner, it's possible that they may still feel lonely despite your connection. Try not to take this personally...we are tribal beings after all. If you can help remind them of which friends or family often make them feel the best, you might help them muster up the courage to reach out for connection. If you've already made your own support clear, offering your partner the gift of their other friends can be a pretty powerful, humble gift.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
--</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That's all I've got for now. Like I said, it's pretty broad advice, but I hope it gets you thinking, and maybe it will help you notice with more clarity what you and your loved ones are needing when things are getting tough.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If you have questions about application of this in specific situations, please feel free to write me:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
thoughtfultouch@yahoo.com<br />
www.somaticsessionsanywhere.com</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Good luck with everything!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845664946840223576.post-1149603051198462752020-01-07T08:01:00.004-08:002020-01-07T08:01:54.700-08:00Changing uncomfortable feelings.This is going to be a short post. It's really just an experiment; it will work differently for everyone.<br />
<br />
The aim of the experiment is to see if, by doing a short visualization, you can change an uncomfortable feeling to be less uncomfortable.<br />
<br />
Can you notice any uncomfortable feelings right now? Maybe a lingering grumpiness in your gut from some offense earlier in the day?<br />
<br />
What does it feel like? Is it tight, or loose? Warm, or cool? Does it have a shape, color, or texture?<br />
<br />
Now that you know what the uncomfortable feeling feels like, ask yourself this question: What's the first image that comes to your mind when you ask "What's the opposite of that uncomfortable feeling?"<br />
<br />
Is it a star? A smell? An easing in your body? A donkey kicking a barrel? It doesn't matter if it's a picture, a feeling, a thought, or a sound- just notice the uncomfortable feeling, ask for the opposite, and see what the first thing is that appears.<br />
<br />
Now that you have it, sit with it for a moment. How does your body feel as you see/feel that image? How does it feel as you see/feel that image for more than a few moments, even as long as 30 seconds, noticing your breath as you notice the image.<br />
<br />
And of course, how does the original uncomfortable feeling change? Does it increase? Decrease? Shift in some certain quality?<br />
<br />
That's the experiment: What happens to the uncomfortable feeling when you introduce yourself to its opposite.<br />
<br />
Let me know how it goes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845664946840223576.post-74271595059136929102019-06-30T12:54:00.000-07:002019-06-30T16:59:27.776-07:00Personal training for your nervous system: What does it mean to get 'strong'?<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Over the past few years</b>,</span><br />
<br />
many people have asked me what Somatic Experiencing (SE) is. Sometimes I give a quick two sentence response, sometimes I give a lengthy exposition, and other times I offer an intro session.<br />
<br />
One of the most common things I hear from people after I explain the work is "Oh, so it's like mindfulness?"<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU0oHp8AMXBvYVIT64dgKS7um-2pSUiiu48LUlNPzObnyW2NAbVUegtt9YSGaplY1urOih4x4pmgw7iSbMaSLRXHyRQK0CzvXFqgwdwhD6uPwVcNHxdtW8-tIcd2PT_oEmU8MjyBRoRa9b/s1600/pebbles-2020100_960_720.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU0oHp8AMXBvYVIT64dgKS7um-2pSUiiu48LUlNPzObnyW2NAbVUegtt9YSGaplY1urOih4x4pmgw7iSbMaSLRXHyRQK0CzvXFqgwdwhD6uPwVcNHxdtW8-tIcd2PT_oEmU8MjyBRoRa9b/s320/pebbles-2020100_960_720.jpg" width="320" /></a>The answer is yes, but no. We use the <i>skill </i>of mindfulness, paying attention to our thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they come and go. We strengthen the '<i>muscle</i>' of mindfulness, improving our sensitivity and awareness to sensations and images we might not have been able to perceive in the past.<br />
<br />
But SE isn't mindfulness, and the goal isn't to become more mindful. If you did, that's a happy side-affect, as there is plenty of research on the benefits of mindfulness and self-awareness. But that's not my goal when I work with clients.<br />
<br />
I'd like to propose something else. A metaphor to explain what I'm doing when I work with clients.<br />
<br />
SE is personal training. Only, instead of strengthening your muscles and improving your body mechanics, it's strengthening the fundamental abilities of your nervous system, and improving your resilience.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Some functions of the nervous system:</span></b><br />
<br />
If you look at your sympathetic nervous system and your parasympathetic nervous system, you find an almost unending list of functions. But here are some big ones:<br />
<br />
-Helps you get assertive, speak your mind and set boundaries.<br />
<br />
-Helps you exit unsafe situations.<br />
<br />
-Helps you motivated, and take care of business<br />
<br />
-Helps you calm down and enjoy a peaceful moment.<br />
<br />
-Helps you digest your food and have good sleep.<br />
<br />
These are mostly behavioral functions, and doesn't even begin to touch on the myriad biological functions of your nervous system.<br />
<br />
Obviously this list is grossly incomplete, but just look at those five items. How fundamental are they to living your best life? Can you imagine what life would look like if you couldn't do all of those things?<br />
<br />
Well, you probably can imagine, because although most of us can do all of those things to some extent, almost all of us are stronger in some areas than others.<br />
<br />
Perhaps you're great at setting boundaries and speaking your mind, but it's hard for you to sit down and have a really tender, connected conversation with a loved one without feeling restless.<br />
<br />
Or maybe you love connecting with people, eating good food, and watching fun movies, but when you start considering an idea of some big, long-term project, you suddenly feel exhausted and hopeless.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-HXb8LnOu2ynv6iU003Egjml2iUhEP2ll4diYNTRwsfmbV6YdFaDJ3CypWOC69jwjHzv7yzfRalEDACzEcZ8C-1REtlLMb-A-dc3ieemt1FRKksRqZZ9Afq_tPMh56kZAkERNUj82yayN/s1600/heartwave-730x400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="730" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-HXb8LnOu2ynv6iU003Egjml2iUhEP2ll4diYNTRwsfmbV6YdFaDJ3CypWOC69jwjHzv7yzfRalEDACzEcZ8C-1REtlLMb-A-dc3ieemt1FRKksRqZZ9Afq_tPMh56kZAkERNUj82yayN/s320/heartwave-730x400.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
There are a million examples of different patterns out there. Many people tend to think of these patterns as personality traits. "I'm a go-getter and I never settle down." or "I'm too nice. I never want to offend people so I never speak my mind."<br />
<br />
I don't think of it that way. What if those personality patterns were simply what happens when your nervous system is really good at certain functions, and not as good at other functions.<br />
<br />
And what if it were possible to train it? What if your nervous system could learn to get better at feeling excited and motivated, without collapsing? What if it could get better at relaxing and feeling safe, without needing substances or tv to settle it down? What if saying "no" to people could become effortless?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Can we train the nervous system?</b></span><br />
<br />
The way I like to look at my Somatic Experiencing work with people is as personal training for your nervous system.<br />
<br />
I had a client (<b>details changed to protect his privacy</b>) who complained of being a pushover at work. When his colleagues disagreed with him or treated him disrespectfully, he'd leave the situation and fume in his office. Sometimes he'd find reasons to stay there for hours, and it was affecting his work performance. He'd be so mad that he wouldn't return work e-mails, but when people tried to talk to him about it he'd avoid confrontation by saying everything was fine.<br />
<br />
In my sessions with him, I noticed that as he described this dynamic to me, whenever he got to the a part of the story where he was mad at something, he'd either start laughing, or he'd got really sleepy and distracted.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigN2CJfVxz0MRkf3t-oVxzcbnDTKUQl5AptpwFVhtOhUR-qAq-mr49DmXwGD7fygzEyfLUfCy7kb8vnflFrsu3_HIhNen8IfTlc0dAgYKfYfxZ_4WQqxXLE5BnMdTCTTO0yg_oKhsc4aGD/s1600/awkward+businessman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="480" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigN2CJfVxz0MRkf3t-oVxzcbnDTKUQl5AptpwFVhtOhUR-qAq-mr49DmXwGD7fygzEyfLUfCy7kb8vnflFrsu3_HIhNen8IfTlc0dAgYKfYfxZ_4WQqxXLE5BnMdTCTTO0yg_oKhsc4aGD/s320/awkward+businessman.jpg" width="320" /></a>I realized, this isn't about social skills. He doesn't need to learn how to speak up for himself. It's about his nervous system: When it starts feeling angry, it gets uncomfortable and quickly pivots into humor or into sleepiness to diffuse the intensity. It doesn't know how to effectively fulfill its function of "get mad, set boundaries."<br />
<br />
So I started to work with him on that function. When I could see he was starting to get mad, I'd help him notice the beginning of that anger <i>before </i>his nervous system kicked in with the laughter or sleepiness. I'd help him practice noticing the anger at very low levels of intensity, and getting comfortable with it.<br />
We would do multiple 'reps': We'd notice the anger, then take a break. Notice the anger a little bit longer, then take a break.<br />
<br />
This is unusual, right? As I describe it, you might be thinking, "this sounds uncomfortable and weird." I know what you mean. Please bear with me.<br />
<br />
Check this out: After a few sessions with me, doing these 'reps', he tells me a story. He tells me that just a few days ago, his work colleagues were being jerks again. And again, he stormed into his office.<br />
But this time, something was different. His body was a little more comfortable with how angry he was, which allowed him to reflect on the situation a little bit longer, and gave him the fuel to get back up, go out into the hall again, and confront his colleagues on the matter.<br />
<br />
The story has a happy ending: The colleagues were actually very responsive to his feedback, and were willing to agree to change their behavior. This was a big win. The hard part wasn't the confrontation, the hard part was being willing to have it.<br />
<br />
I never coached him on when or how to communicate with people. That's not my job. I helped him figure out which part of his nervous system wanted to be strengthened, and I helped him work it out. I made sure we didn't go too fast, or do too many reps. I made sure we were challenging his system without overwhelming it.<br />
<br />
And he got stronger, and things changed for the better. It was incredibly satisfying work.<br />
<br />
If you want to comment or <a href="mailto:thoughtfultouch@yahoo.com" target="_blank">send me an e-mail</a>, I'd love to hear from you.<br />
<br />
If you could strengthen your nervous system, what would you work on?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845664946840223576.post-64224204858082638902019-02-28T18:15:00.001-08:002019-02-28T19:57:26.743-08:00What do you look for, when you look inside yourself?This will be a short post- I'm going to write it as a meditative experiment: Two different ways to look inside. As with most experiments, I recommend you actually try it yourself, as your results may differ from those of others, or even from the results you'd imagine yourself getting if you only read it.<br />
<br />
If you prefer audio, there's a link to a recording at the end of this post.<br />
--<br />
<br />
No need to make yourself comfortable, or anything. Just come as you are.<br />
<br />
If you take a moment to notice your experience <i>of </i>this moment, what are the first few things you notice? Are there certain thoughts that come up? Certain sensations in the body? Emotions?<br />
<br />
What about behaviors- how is your breath, how is your body showing up in the moment?<br />
<br />
After you let yourself notice a few of those things, ask yourself this:<br />
<br />
Now that I've done this scan of my present moment experience, if I were to notice how it feels to be me right now, and let a mental image pop up that represents that feeling, what's the first image that pops into my mind?<br />
<br />
If you're not a visual person, what's the first sound that pops into your mind? Or word? Or a body posture that represents your current state?<br />
<br />
Got it? Ok, great. Onto the next half of the experiment.<br />
<br />
Continue being yourself. Good job!<br />
<br />
Ok, now you're going to notice your experience of <i>this</i> moment. The difference is, you're going to specifically scan your experience for anything enjoyable, pleasurable, pleasing, or in some way 'less uncomfortable' than the rest.<br />
<br />
Again, it could be pleasant thoughts or hopes. Things you're noticing visually. Things that feel good in your body. Emotional sensations.<br />
<br />
Maybe your body posture has something strong in it. Maybe you're swaying in a pleasing manner.<br />
<br />
What feels kinda nice? If nothing feels nice, what feels less annoying? Where is it comparatively more enjoyable for your attention to land?<br />
<br />
Once you've noticed a few pleasant experiences, ask again,<br />
noticing how it feels to be me right now, what's the first image that pops into my mind? or word, sound, posture.<br />
<br />
And there you go, the experiment is completed. And the results will be different for everyone.<br />
<br />
How did the first image differ from the second? <i>Was </i>there a difference?<br />
<br />
If you'd like to share, please comment below, or let me know personally.<br />
<br />
Cheers for now,<br />
Aaron<br />
<br />
p.s. Someone requested an audio version: <a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/1r-whgCpPQQeN3v5YdSxrnjG4zObctaM4/view?usp=sharing" target="_blank">Here it is!</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845664946840223576.post-8287738400124518142019-01-22T14:22:00.000-08:002019-01-22T14:45:26.957-08:00An Introvert's Relief.I have a theory, about introverts.<br />
<br />
You know people, I'm sure, who can happily be around others for hours without burning themselves out. And then, you know others who can feel exhausted after even a short bout of interpersonal interactions. You may even be one of those people.<br />
<br />
There are many possible reasons for why someone could feel consistently tired or drained after being in social situations. It can take a lot of brain energy to track all the shifting social dynamics and power structures. If you deal with anxiety it can take an enormous amount of energy just to 'act normal' (whatever that means) and keep it together. Sometimes you're just tired, and you might be pushing past that fatigue in order to be social.<br />
<br />
My theory is that, for some people, part of the fatigue comes from what their face does when they are socially engaging.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
Bear with me. I identify as a social introvert- I love being around people but generally need a break every couple hours. One day, after feeling a little drained by my social interactions. I did a body scan. I noticed two things: I had a sense of emptiness/collapse in my diaphragm, and my face felt really tight.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQlFgMRrKkjPVL2EKSSZEltUOlAgvkaMMwx6xE29j2pm8Chklz-OiXLPvhuFv7Ey6I0WxDuQVqep6MK1pB0Hz_lDJ1r8Hhvv94WmZsJ9KOqrefP7KJBUS0tbXvJWwut6V5l3sXh-dJCIXI/s1600/animal-big-big-cat-277374.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQlFgMRrKkjPVL2EKSSZEltUOlAgvkaMMwx6xE29j2pm8Chklz-OiXLPvhuFv7Ey6I0WxDuQVqep6MK1pB0Hz_lDJ1r8Hhvv94WmZsJ9KOqrefP7KJBUS0tbXvJWwut6V5l3sXh-dJCIXI/s320/animal-big-big-cat-277374.jpg" width="320" /></a>So, I relaxed my face. Muscle by muscle, I let my face melt. And as it melted, my breath naturally deepened, my shoulders settled, and, are you ready? The emptiness in my diaphragm began to fill up again. The 'drained' feeling began to disappear.<br />
<br />
This was big news for me, as usually I'd need to take a nap, or meditate for a long while for that to re-fill itself.<br />
<br />
I began testing this: I'd be at a party, begin to notice the drained feeling, and consciously relax my face. Sure enough, the drained feeling would begin to fade. Not quickly, but it would fade, which was a very new thing for me to feel while still around others.<br />
<br />
I started asking my friends, and my clients: What happens when you relax your face? Usually, their eyes would unfocus, they'd look away from me (it's hard to look at someone's toned face without matching it with your own), their breath would deepen, and they'd start feeling refreshed.<br />
<br />
Are introverts using an excess of energy to maintain high social engagement? Are they mirroring all the tone and excitement in the faces they see around them? Do they feel a lot of pressure to stay connected with others, rather than relaxing when they start to feel tired?<br />
<br />
Everyone is different- there are rarely any hard and fast rules. And I can tell you from experience that it's challenging to hold a conversation with a relaxed face. But next time you're feeling a little overwhelmed at a party or a coffee date, see if you can step to the side for a moment, or go to the restroom, and take a few minutes to let your face melt, muscle by muscle, and notice what happens.<br />
<br />
And then drop me a note! I'd love to hear how it goes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845664946840223576.post-85312824988745352662018-03-11T18:07:00.002-07:002018-03-11T18:07:25.277-07:00It's not just about calming down- how to kick your shoes off with flair.<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I love that Somatic Experiencing allows people to reconnect with parts of themselves that may have been long forgotten. Rather than simply calming their system, they become more grounded and connected to their system. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A client walks into my office, perhaps just arriving from their job. She’s professional, crisp, confident, and utterly unrelaxed. This is the face that we are often taught to wear in the business world: Strength, focus, and a sore upper back. As a massage therapist I’ve dealt with the stiff backs for 14 years, but now I get to see the other side of things; I get to see how the flip side of that strong, driven professionalism is a level of forward momentum that can be difficult to slow down. An unstoppable force. An interminable charge forward. It’s hard to enjoy a peaceful moment when your drive is almost throwing you off the rails.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJU8MFVzhtHBg30EQv3U0rOGbOGbHV-Te0WumJZPzDnDDPYEs3gsat8T12-9zdEtaQfZMbnhyphenhyphenrlkRxwx4tpRsmqvEAUl3DyBRjCsGC4a8ZCxVwVG8jORbV_TN-lbqL003RYxgqNqIa9lLe/s1600/pexels-photo-825990.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJU8MFVzhtHBg30EQv3U0rOGbOGbHV-Te0WumJZPzDnDDPYEs3gsat8T12-9zdEtaQfZMbnhyphenhyphenrlkRxwx4tpRsmqvEAUl3DyBRjCsGC4a8ZCxVwVG8jORbV_TN-lbqL003RYxgqNqIa9lLe/s320/pexels-photo-825990.jpeg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fast forward to thirty minutes into the session, perhaps three or four sessions in. The client still comes in professional and confident, but now they are kicking their shoes off. Instead of choosing the chair they are stretching on the floor, or opting to bounce gently on the yoga ball as we talk.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As they let themselves shift out of their “business face”, they find their mind wandering. They enjoy playful memories they hadn’t thought of in years. The memories lead them to insights about the challenges of today. Most importantly, they look more like themselves. Peacefully, powerfully themselves.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What’s happening here? There are many fine ways to explain it, but the way I see it is that this type of person has learned to use their Sympathetic Nervous system to its finest. They are harnessing the power of their fight-or-flight drives to get things done, to make hard decisions, and to show up as a force of strength in challenging situations. This is like a superpower. The cost of the superpower is that they can sap their energy reserves. They can overuse their adrenals. They can have difficulty slowing down even once a task is accomplished. Though they feel exhausted, they are so driven that it becomes hard to rest, and challenging to be fully present in the tender, human moments of the day.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We want those tender moments. No matter how driven we are, we want to enjoy life. We want connection. We want joy. What I seek to do in session, then, is to help the nervous system learn how to transition from fight-or-flight into rest and relax. To develop the skills required to let the heart rate slow, allow the breath to deepen, and the eyes to relax and wander.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 1.38; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl9H-sYgTuNmFQWLFzgCbfCvlFXsE34l5xuVvwLu8vO-C0QU5b9yEAW6VVbPQt4b-G8Ka0_SrZHTdvDrEjgN4jC_jK1LrUnfg795PvScwNQTajttHyswraxsb-XsJWRCC3AJEvUZORqCCz/s1600/pexels-photo-573299.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl9H-sYgTuNmFQWLFzgCbfCvlFXsE34l5xuVvwLu8vO-C0QU5b9yEAW6VVbPQt4b-G8Ka0_SrZHTdvDrEjgN4jC_jK1LrUnfg795PvScwNQTajttHyswraxsb-XsJWRCC3AJEvUZORqCCz/s320/pexels-photo-573299.jpeg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 1.38; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Surprisingly, this doesn’t mean trying to ‘calm down’. Often in a session we’ll actually take some time to really enjoy the charge that comes from working hard, from these accomplishments. We’ll talk about their biggest achievement of the week, and then I’ll prompt them to notice the emotions and physical sensations that come with that sense of achievement. The energy coursing through their limbs. The excitement in their chest, and the determination beaming from their eyes. After experiencing the height of that moment, their system will often settle into a peacefulness they hadn’t even realized they were thirsty for.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As a practitioner, this is such a delight for me to witness. I know that the more they make this transition in session with me, the easier it will be to do it on their own. They’ll come home from work and actually </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">feel</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> done with work. And when they come back to tell me a story about taking some time out of their day to sit and gaze at trees in the forest, I’ll know I’m seeing a nervous system returning to harmony.</span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-ed5f1a0d-17a5-7233-444d-3f981253a369"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A brief experiment to give yourself a taste of this state-switch:</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; list-style-type: decimal; margin-left: 36pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Feeling a lot of drive? Mentally racing through your list of what you have to get done during the day? Great. Let that happen. And ask yourself this: As you notice how driven you are, check in on your body state. What does it physically </span><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">feel</span><span style="font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> like to be so ready to act? How is your breath? The tension in your belly? Warmth in your limbs?</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; list-style-type: decimal; margin-left: 36pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once you start noticing a few physical sensations, allow yourself to shift your focus onto those sensations. It might be a little intense! Feel the charge of it for a few moments, letting those feelings build to a gentle peak.</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; list-style-type: decimal; margin-left: 36pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When you’re ready to take a break, shift your focus outside of your body. Let your eyes slowly wander around the room, and let your head follow your gaze. Notice things in the space that are pleasant to look at. Allow yourself to enjoy looking at them. Spend a couple minutes with this, moving on to the next lovely focal point any time you feel bored or otherwise ready to move on. </span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; list-style-type: decimal; margin-left: 36pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Notice how your body feels now compared to before. If you feel unsettled at all, spend more time in step three. If you feel things moving, settling, or anything remotely pleasant, give it some time to sink in, and enjoy.</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
<br /><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Good luck! I want you to enjoy a life that's both as productive, and as full of joy, as you wish.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845664946840223576.post-14054902758960316732018-01-10T19:54:00.000-08:002018-01-10T20:12:44.690-08:00Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />Let’s share something a little on the personal side.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Before I’d ever heard of Somatic Experiencing, I had a problem. I was one of those people who had really big ideas but just wouldn’t make them happen. I’d have notebooks that I’d fill with step-by-step outlines of how to change the world, how to develop my business, how to make myself the person I wanted to be. They were good plans, too, for the most part.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But I wouldn’t see them into reality. About one in ten of these plans I’d actually begin implementing, throwing myself into it for about two weeks. After those two weeks, I’d start tapering off. I’d get distracted by something else, or discouraged by a small glitch in the plan, and before I knew it, that brilliant, exciting project had fallen by the wayside.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_DgYC330urLo92SuOwVabnS4p9orqegBZlM1I_UYly454BPGgdAdyFSiscTiYiFIDr2HPr0oJFPx_QNSjxKAVc9K1VGpotlLhguw_hL8Fa1JBUAcd5VJdnaMClt0PsjgfC_M4WYWpavSg/s1600/pexels-photo-459971.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_DgYC330urLo92SuOwVabnS4p9orqegBZlM1I_UYly454BPGgdAdyFSiscTiYiFIDr2HPr0oJFPx_QNSjxKAVc9K1VGpotlLhguw_hL8Fa1JBUAcd5VJdnaMClt0PsjgfC_M4WYWpavSg/s320/pexels-photo-459971.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I tried a lot of different methods to get over this hurdle- they’d help a bit, but never to the point that I was craving. It was frustrating, to know that I was a bright guy with some innovative ideas, but to never actually put them into reality- never to prove that they worked. I didn’t even know why it wasn’t working- I just knew that I wasn’t doing it.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eventually I hear about Somatic Experiencing through a friend. She’s been receiving SE for a few weeks, and she tells me about how her practitioner will notice little micro-movements in her body language. I was fascinated to hear about how playing with these certain micro-movements would bring up all sorts of emotions for her, which would release and allow her to feel awesome. I was intrigued.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I go in for my own sessions, and it was just as interesting as I’d hoped. We talked, moved, I had unexpected sensations and feelings. But I didn’t understand how all of that micro-gesture business was useful. So I asked my practitioner: “What’s the point? How will this help me?”</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What he said laid the foundation for what would finally resolve my follow-through problem. He explained that in our sessions he observed that I was uncomfortable with intensity. He said that whenever I got excited about something, or angry about something, or fierce in any way, that energy would build to a certain point, and then collapse. I would unconsciously diffuse the growing tension by changing the subject, trying to be more empathetic, making a joke, or even singing a song.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdMp27DOjvgjoVfYT7ppfrgzZVWuMe6oVCdU-79OKVtHD_eKYkBZ4VJJdYw5duIk0fqeeZiwXaPy4hyJxvK8Nt17bfz3k1TAKjhlXZjXFx7VqFolbTX2IHO94bjK12ze-xLq7_wLGlnxoI/s1600/pexels-photo-783941.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1090" data-original-width="1600" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdMp27DOjvgjoVfYT7ppfrgzZVWuMe6oVCdU-79OKVtHD_eKYkBZ4VJJdYw5duIk0fqeeZiwXaPy4hyJxvK8Nt17bfz3k1TAKjhlXZjXFx7VqFolbTX2IHO94bjK12ze-xLq7_wLGlnxoI/s320/pexels-photo-783941.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He said, “Your nervous system is only comfortable with a certain amount of intensity before it reacts and works to diffuse the internal situation. Your current comfort with intensity isn’t enough to reach that threshold, that energy level where you really start getting things done. So, you stay pretty still, you don’t get much done. If you keep coming in for sessions, your comfort with intensity will increase, and you’ll be able to have access to more and more energy and focus, and you’ll start getting more and more done. You might not even notice it- things will just start happening.”</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was sold. After all, that’s exactly what I wanted.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I received weekly sessions for three months. Somewhere around then, I realized something: Over the past month or two, I had started multiple projects, and continued them. I’d taken on a new job as a massage instructor that in the past I would have been completely intimidated by. I found myself noticing when I was angry or sad, and approaching those moods with curiosity rather than avoidance. In short: I was more comfortable with intensity, and, lo and behold, things were ‘just happening’.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Everyone’s nervous system is different. Maybe you’re not comfortable with intensity, or maybe you’re </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">too</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> comfortable with intensity. Maybe your system needs to learn how to enjoy the pleasurable moments of life. Maybe it needs to learn diffuse tension and to become more comfortable with stillness. In any case, how amazing is it that we can gently teach your nervous system to naturally develop itself in these ways? You don’t need to have some magical insight about your life, you just train, gently but consistently, until life is just different.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s what I love about Somatic Experiencing: It’s not flashy, but it can be deep and it can be long-lasting, and it can make changes in a way that you never would have expected.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5845664946840223576.post-69804072323259884862017-12-28T18:37:00.001-08:002017-12-30T18:04:36.047-08:00When thinking slows us down<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s a thing that people love to do. We love to tell stories, we love to analyze, we love to make meaning. I’m doing it right now, simply by writing this post. You’re doing it now, in the back of your mind, as you decide whether or not you you find this article fascinating (give it a moment). </span><br />
<span id="docs-internal-guid-3cb3884b-aa4e-8437-9ba7-0a4dd66d93cc"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s a great temptation as a Somatic Experiencing client to explain in detail to their practitioner what happened, when, why, how, and how that relates to the current situation. If we go down that path, though, we can spend the whole hour just sorting out the story.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmXd39frM-cCxM-jzn1H9zythB5XDAqfCrSrtTc4_Fso7CRo_rKMILLGTkW8_PDIKlNC8dqru1uy-jAGqWyAuOFSov68L90CaqpcZAIlQ-XsYgCgJS3puSeS3gzQUt_QjEgJYdiaZ_qnDW/s1600/stack-of-books-vintage-books-book-books.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmXd39frM-cCxM-jzn1H9zythB5XDAqfCrSrtTc4_Fso7CRo_rKMILLGTkW8_PDIKlNC8dqru1uy-jAGqWyAuOFSov68L90CaqpcZAIlQ-XsYgCgJS3puSeS3gzQUt_QjEgJYdiaZ_qnDW/s320/stack-of-books-vintage-books-book-books.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The thing is, that’s not what we’re trying to do here. People ask sometimes: “What’s the difference between SE and therapy?” That’s a hard question to answer, because there are so many forms of therapy. But one thing I can say is that SE deals primarily with the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">present moment experience.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you’re feeling sad in an SE session, the important thing isn’t why you’re feeling sad, it’s what the sadness feels like. If you’re relaxing your mind and seeing images of an angry unicorn, I’m not going to ask about your childhood, I’m going to ask what the unicorn is doing. And if you feel the need to tell me all the reasons your sister is a jerk, what I’m curious about isn’t the reasons, but the anger you’re feeling and the urgency you’re feeling that drives you to give me all of those reasons.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, imagine for a moment that you’re telling me about how angry you are at your sister (or brother or partner etc) and why, and I ask you “What does that anger feel like in your body? Do you have any mental images as you talk about this?” At first it can feel a little jarring. After all, you’re trying to tell this great story about how mad you are!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But you decide to bear with me. You notice that in your body, there’s this intense heat running up and down your face and arms. Your jaw is tight. Your fists want to tighten. You look for mental images and you can see yourself punching a tree, shards of bark flying everywhere. You start to make meaning again, to explain to me how your sister used to climb trees, but I say, “hold on, one more second: what happens next in this mental image?”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJPwt82OWPCSHo73tkBHkbX7eeSsA5FH7yVY3fwXtwDPF_hIn8PF2iX98Pa5kbDnjDby6KeSdwODw3iaZd70gDnkmVdWmEaAjsCRr0gLca8a7SA2i7XdpPQfuaMy2yLTANDr3Uy23f5ryR/s1600/desert-drought-dehydrated-clay-soil-60013.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1091" data-original-width="1600" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJPwt82OWPCSHo73tkBHkbX7eeSsA5FH7yVY3fwXtwDPF_hIn8PF2iX98Pa5kbDnjDby6KeSdwODw3iaZd70gDnkmVdWmEaAjsCRr0gLca8a7SA2i7XdpPQfuaMy2yLTANDr3Uy23f5ryR/s320/desert-drought-dehydrated-clay-soil-60013.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So you keep watching, and you see the tree explode into sawdust, and you see yourself raise your arms in triumph, and as you see that image, you notice that here in the present moment you’re taking a deep breath, that the heat in your arms has transformed into pleasant tingling, your jaw has loosened and you’re relaxing your back into the chair. You’re not so angry anymore, in fact you feel good- maybe a little sad, but also really satisfied.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The thing is, we can tell stories and make meaning for hours, days, or years, and although we can come to some really great conclusions, it can be difficult for our meaning-making to deeply change our feelings. It’s not the most effective channel: It can be like drawing new maps and hoping the roads outside will change to accommodate what you’ve drawn.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When we shift our focus to what we’re actually feeling in the present moment, and simply watch those feelings with curiosity from a safe, calm headspace, they will often shift much more fluidly than we’d expect. And you’ll find that it’s not about ‘getting rid’ of your uncomfortable feelings, it’s about watching what they become. Because if you let them, they may surprise you in the best of ways.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<br /></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1