An Introvert's Relief.

I have a theory, about introverts.

You know people, I'm sure, who can happily be around others for hours without burning themselves out.  And then, you know others who can feel exhausted after even a short bout of interpersonal interactions.  You may even be one of those people.

There are many possible reasons for why someone could feel consistently tired or drained after being in social situations.  It can take a lot of brain energy to track all the shifting social dynamics and power structures.  If you deal with anxiety it can take an enormous amount of energy just to 'act normal' (whatever that means) and keep it together.  Sometimes you're just tired, and you might be pushing past that fatigue in order to be social.

My theory is that, for some people, part of the fatigue comes from what their face does when they are socially engaging.



Bear with me.  I identify as a social introvert- I love being around people but generally need a break every couple hours.  One day, after feeling a little drained by my social interactions.  I did a body scan.  I noticed two things:  I had a sense of emptiness/collapse in my diaphragm, and my face felt really tight.

So, I relaxed my face.  Muscle by muscle, I let my face melt.  And as it melted, my breath naturally deepened, my shoulders settled, and, are you ready?  The emptiness in my diaphragm began to fill up again.  The 'drained' feeling began to disappear.

This was big news for me, as usually I'd need to take a nap, or meditate for a long while for that to re-fill itself.

I began testing this:  I'd be at a party, begin to notice the drained feeling, and consciously relax my face.  Sure enough, the drained feeling would begin to fade.  Not quickly, but it would fade, which was a very new thing for me to feel while still around others.

I started asking my friends, and my clients:  What happens when you relax your face?  Usually, their eyes would unfocus, they'd look away from me (it's hard to look at someone's toned face without matching it with your own), their breath would deepen, and they'd start feeling refreshed.

Are introverts using an excess of energy to maintain high social engagement?  Are they mirroring all the tone and excitement in the faces they see around them?  Do they feel a lot of pressure to stay connected with others, rather than relaxing when they start to feel tired?

Everyone is different- there are rarely any hard and fast rules.  And I can tell you from experience that it's challenging to hold a conversation with a relaxed face.  But next time you're feeling a little overwhelmed at a party or a coffee date, see if you can step to the side for a moment, or go to the restroom, and take a few minutes to let your face melt, muscle by muscle, and notice what happens.

And then drop me a note!  I'd love to hear how it goes.